In June I left my day job as a Registered Nurse at a small community hospital in Glenwood Springs Colorado and headed North to Alaska. This was my fourth trip to wonderful state and second trip to the Alaska Range. This trip I was fortunate enough to be an assistant guide on an Alpine Ascents International Expedition up the West Buttress. I would be co guiding with senior guide Ben Jones and Willie Benegas, two larger then life characters. I’ve heard many people explain why they climb with a comment involving it is a learning process. Each time I set foot into the hill or pull my way up a steep face I learn something new. Here are some of the more important thing the West Buttress taught me this past season. I greatly appreciate the teaching moments each of my teammates provided me with.
1. Some people are genetically programmed to be more likely then others to walk into crevases. Multiple times on the same trip. Withing one weeks time.
2. Some people are genetically programmed to be more likely to have what ever we attach to them fall off including but not limited to crampons, snow shoes (especially snow shoes) climbing harness, gloves, backpacks, pants and mittens.
3. Fixed lines may look simple and straight forward. But they are not. It is possible to make them more complex then a calculus problem involving the square root of fractals. If one tries hard enough he or she can wrap them selves several times though a fixed line resulting in a hanging human tangled upside down mess.
4. Even in an international group with language barriers all adult conversations lead to mention of adult x rated videos below 17,000ft.
5. “Mama huhu” is my favorite thing to say in Chinese especially to a Chinese client who speaks no English who was suppose to have a private translator on the trip.
6. If Chinese members of an entirely different expedition offer to make you “Chinese soup,” no matter how hungry you are respectfully decline. Also decline anything that comes in a tube that says fish paste. Failure to do so will result in your clients just about shitting themselves and turning snow into fudgsicles. (Which you as a guide will have to clean up)
7. Dudes from Denmark, who are x military and serve as body guards to diplomats in Afghanistan have really warped and hilarious senses of humors.
8. It is cool to bring your I Pod Movie or I Pad mini on expeditions and watch movies in your tent all night.
9. If you live in a desert nation and do not have access to snow you can train for Denali by Scuba diving. This was new to me.
10. Women see men in two ways those “who could get it,” and those “who aint never gonna get it.”
11. On the mountain every pop song that plays on the world ban radio is “the best song ever.”
12. There are rules to drinking Yerba Mate and I am capable of breaking every possible one of them.
13. My beard hold 234ml of frozen water in ideal conditions.
14. On rest days Guides will dig extremely large holes in the snow for no particular reason except to stay in "rock climbing shape."
